Yesterday, 4 September 2011... went to lunch with intern friends, and then go Book fair, then have dinner together, bla bla bla~ it was supposed to be a fun day... but something happened.. made me abit 'down'.. well, but i told myself i must be a cheerful guy or else i will bring the atmosphere down.. so, i continued smiling.. :)

Yesterday was also my another time experience kena stung by bee... kanasai bee go stop at my hand.. =.= then my hand feel itchy, go scratch it (normal reflexes) ... then suddenly feel "eh how come so hot and pain?" gg... saw one bee died on my hand.... and kena sting liao... wtf.. think of it also geli.. the isi also terkeluar d.. zzz..... then hand damn pain the whole time i was in book fair... aih.. then whole person feel abit kind of "wanna vomit" punya feeling... dunno it's coz of the poison , (coz last time when i kena stung also vomited twice), or is it i ate too much.. LoL..

after book fair, then went to some stall eat western foods........here eat alot somemore... whole body really feel like throwing up liao that time.. luckily still can tahan.. @_@ die la, fat already....................... DIET PLAN INITIALIZED.. dun care d.. nabe....

ok..nothing much happened...really.. just some small things which made me down / emo for a few..minutes? or maybe hours...

then today 5th september 2011...went to work as usual ~ but my hand...feel damn itchy all the time.. wan scratch , scare will hurt the injured part pulak.. no scratch.. damn suffering =.= ARGH, i seriously hate insects now !!!! Dun let me see any bugs / insects liao... i see 1 kill 1 !!!!! =.= And....wanna do my work.. cannot concentrate pulak..maybe coz not enough sleep gua.. or maybe.....nvm.. i'll skip that.... and i just noticed my IEEE Conference paper.. alot works need to do but i haven't started yet... 30th september DEADLINE...wth.. my work pulak alot jobs.. die lar, too many works suddenly.... guess it's time to be serious and focus on my works already....

Went to queensbay at night just now...saw few pretty girls.. very pretty and elegant, sexy. really like models.. long legs, pretty face. Wow, never thought there are penang girls whom are that tall ! Cool~but suddenly i feel down coz they're even taller than me >.<"" Sigh ~ this is life...

Anyway, enough with my daily routine.. LoL, just wanna say.....life is really difficult. You be good, people will try to take advantage on you and step on you. You be bad, people don't like... but when i wanna be bad, i can't coz i just tak sampai hati and my face doesn't allow me to be bad.. lol~ but how come ah ? Good people always nobody like? Or i just haven't met someone who likes good people yet ? lol..

honestly, my wish is for everyone around me to be happy, that's why i am always flexible when doing anything, i follow their needs, then they happy, i also happy. they use me, they happy, i also happy, coz i tell myself i can learn new things when i help them to do something. so i don't really mind...really. But then, can't there be any moment where someone actually, try to make me happy ? I was always trying my best not to upset anyone, but when the times come, people just... upset me, ignoring me, dumping me, making me sad, doesn't even think about me, leaving me alone.. Can't i have a moment where someone actually..cares about me, or understand what i feel ? No.. so far there was none...wait.. i think there's 1...but it's been years since the "1"..and i've lost contact with her long ago.........dunno which b**** steal my hp last time making me lost contact with her !!

I don't know la, maybe due to my "flexible" attitude, it's hard for other people to understand me? or they just don't care? lol. anyway~ enough with the emo stuffs also.. @_@ where was i? oh ya.. lol

just wanna tell everyone who's reading my blog... "Big social network" doesn't mean good if you don't know how to handle it well... Don't be like me, amateur trying to broaden my network. Being equally good with everyone makes yourself not having any "best" or "good" groups where u can mix in. When they hang out, you won't be included because you're just "normal" to them, not "good" or "best" friend. unless you are the type that can be good friends with everyone in a big network.. that's different case.. for my case, this is what happened to me.. some even say i keep changing my group, not loyal to 1 group. see which group beneficial then i go which group. NO, they are wrong. I went to other groups because the old group dumped me.. sad huh? But too bad nobody understand me and my feelings..... No.. they're just too lazy to think. Most people likes to see stuff with their eyes, not brains. Guess ppl with brains are really less nowadays... Or maybe my brain just thinks too much.. lol. sorry ya, one of my favorites are detectives and mysteries. =p

And, when you're in a group...i guess it's best to remain 'hidden' or 'silent'.. my advise.. Previously i was a very quiet guy. Remain hidden, unnoticed. nobody notice me, hence nobody hates me or likes me, and nobody wanna mix with me coz i'm just too quiet ~ lolx. The old me thought this was..sad, coz don't have much friends.. so the new me came up, trying to be "active" with everyone.. making as many friends as i can !! but it seems like being noisy / active just makes people hate you coz you talk alot..i think? don't know la, maybe i was just too...noisy... hahahar ~~ why is the life so hard hor? Be good cannot, be bad cannot, do this cannot, do that also cannot. guess the world is really set up in a very balanced manner...

Then some people.. i just don't know why....seems don't like me or hate me? i don't know, but seems like the way of talking with me and other ppl is very much difference.. with me it's much colder.. i wonder why.. too noisy? too sohai? Or... i'm just not as good in a relationship with him/her, as other ppl is? i know him/her earlier..but why?? Face problem? Or what.. i really can't understand this sometimes.. It saddens me sometimes when everyone was mixing together so well, and i'm the only one not so well. Or is it i'm thinking too much? No... my sixth sense has always been quite accurate... so why? Sigh.. really sad.. but nvm.. i'm used to being alone..so i can pretty much handle this kind of loneliness.. just hope that someday will come where someone can actually fill my loneliness and emptiness in my heart... :) will be waiting for that miraculous moment.. :)

Oppsie~ sorry for the long essay~ just feel like expressing all at a time.. coz just too many things happened in these few days / weeks. I've really seen and understand many things through this internship.. sad, happy, angry, down, etc etc... So.. i'm abit glad actually. It really makes me matured alot.. but too bad, i think i'll still be the same old being-dumped-ones for another few months / years...though i know "emo" is not good and people don't like it..... but everyone just loves making me emo, don't they ? =(